Courtesy of Jim Foreman, who is pushing the envelope on this subject.
“During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live for several days on nothing but food and water.”
—W. C. Fields
"We found a bar but was too dark inside to see your own hand if you held it up in front of your face! Through the smoke we heard voices making bets on the upcoming shooting competion:
'I'll bet my glock 'gainst yer 9mm…'
Next, we found a lady coming out of a church and asked where we could eat. She looked at us like were crazy and asked, 'Eat? In THIS town?!?'
Shirley says that J.D. is the only man in town with a city ordinance written specifically against him -- when he was a teenager he used to fly down the mountain and through town on his bicycle and raise the ire of the local "Barney Fife". He had a salvaged Buick steering wheel welded onto the stem of his Sting-Ray and ol' Barney got the town council to pass a regulation against equipping bicycles with automotive steering wheels.
Years later, after J.D.'s old filling station was wrecked by a flood, he hit on the idea to reopen as a hostel, much to the benefit of all users of the C&O towpath.
Lord, preserve us and protect us;
we've been drinking whiskey for breakfast.
"I may be a living legend, but that sure don't help when I've got to change a— Roy Orbison